Finally Normality... whatever that means

It took 18 days but I'm finally over that stupid flu. Still have a cough but at least I'm not in pain (face-ache). The last week DP has been pretty useless, his dr put his medication up from 50mg to 150mg of Zoloft. Technically it was his own fault he had to start over, he was on 200mg then stopped taking it cold turkey - idiot. By the time he got back on it he had to start at 50mg again. So today he said "It's nurophen I'm not supposed to take". I'd asked him ages ago, I was sure he wasn't supposed to take it but he said 'no, it's nurophen plus'. No, he can take panadol, not nurophen. It's not affected him until he's been on the higher dose of Zoloft though. Apparenty today wasn't the first time, he said one of the other days last week he was tired and went to bed he'd taken nurophen, then this morning he took 3 for a headache and it knocked him around so now it's 2.15pm and he's gone to bed.

He's done nothing in the kitchen, surprise surprise. The dishes I did this morning are in the drying rack still. Yesterday I was home most of the day and he didn't do anything. What annoys me is that he says to DD 5 "I'll just clean up the kitchen and we can do some cooking" then he sits on the computer all bloody day. Last week was the same. Wednesday he said he would cook, he did nothing. Then Thursday he was home all day on the computer, apparently doing 'work' for a 'client'... I was out most of Thursday again. And Friday we went to playgroup in the morning and all I heard from DP was how he'd clean up in the kitchen and cook with DD 5... by tea time I was sick to death of it so I did heaps of dishes and cooked before tea went in. We ended up eating late but I told DP off and said for 3 days he said he'd cook and I was sick of waiting. That's the problem with DP... I called him a "gunna"... he hates that term - "Gunna do this and gunna do that"... then they do nothing. That's him! He did make some biscuits with the little ones before they went to bed, left it late IMO though.

Saturday was shopping day then we were home for the afternoon. Sunday I had to take DD 16 to compete for the day. We didn't get home until 8.30pm. The kitchen was a mess, especially considering they had little franks for lunch and DS 13 went to the local shop to buy chips for tea!

Today he wanted a hug before I left, and I told him not to bother with affection. I'm so mean. However when he asked why I said because he needs to start doing more, like use the software he frigging bought earlier this year! "Get it out there", I said. Bloody hell, he paid for it because he reckoned it would be so popular with businesses then he doesn't let anyone know he has it! So fucking sick of that. He spends hours and hours making websites and putting together programs etc then doesn't do anything with them. It shits me. And the fact that he spent money on this one program... not to mention hosting and domain names and all that other crap he says he'll get businesses helping to pay for... it's not going to happen if he sits on his arse at home all day! OMG, he also has this one 'client' that he had to get some stuff from to finish a website, he emails the guy for months then finally the guy rocks up on our doorstep, he hadn't checked his email or DP had the wrong addy, I dunno, but he tells DP to call him!!! Pick up the phone!!! DP tells me that's why he asked the guy if the addy was one he checked regularly, because he wanted to deal with him via email... I said at some point he will have to deal with people on the phone or in person! If he can't do that then he's trying to get in to the wrong business. Argh!!!!

I have to go soon and the kitchen is a mess, I've spent 20 minutes typing here while DD 2 naps and DD 5 has been drawing. The living room is pretty horrible too, really needs vacuuming. At least we've had a couple of nicer days, yesterday I got so much laundry done. Today is back to being grey but I've hung out some sheets and towels anyway. DP is snoring, I can hear him from here (he is up the other end of the hallway) I'm surprised it hasn't woken DD 2 LOL

Getting back on track

12 days feeling like crap now. The last week has mostly been face-ache from the blocked sinus' I think. Saw the dr on Thursday but she couldn't find any sign of infection, it's a virus and nothing can be taken to help. Wednesday night I'd had earache, but it was ok by Thursday. I cried Wednesday night, I was so over feeling like crap. Cried again today because my face still hurt and I'm so over feeling like this. I took twice the painkillers I normally would and ended up going to bed because I just couldn't stay awake. But I was in so much pain, like toothache... having a sore head/face is just the worst I reckon.

Anyway, last night DP made a point of saying how much he's done recently, looking for me to say how wonderful it was no doubt. Well, he had tried earlier in the week, but by the end of this week he'd slacked off again... Monday and Tuesday he actually did quite well, almost managed to keep the kitchen clean... except that we've had ants and he's sprayed them but not cleaned them up. So there are little piles of ants in the corners of the kitchen on the floor... he sprayed again today so it's worse. I was cleaning them up with paper towel and ajax spray and wipe. Bloody ants. Last night I said I'd noticed early in the week that DP was doing the dishes, I said I've been feeling too bloody horrible to say anything. I'm so over feeling like crap and having faceache every morning. At least it's been going away in the afternoon. Today mum came over to help out with the living room. It looks great, we got a new couch! So mum came over to get things looking tidy, and it's great. Back to what it was before I got sick, now I have to stay on top of it. DP sat on the computer all day again though. He had an afternoon nap yesterday and the day before! So tonight he headed to bed at 9.30pm, tomorrow he has a dr appointment. He was supposed to have one when I was sick, he cancelled that. Then he said it was Thursday only he got a call Wednesday because he'd missed it! So now he has one tomorrow. Of course I will have to take him, even though I took myself on Thursday last week... he didn't come along! He just stays home. Then he tells me I need to stay home and rest... would be a hell of a lot easier if he had his damn licence! I have to take DD 5 to kinder for a start! She was so upset about missing a day when I was first sick!

Friday he asked me to transfer $100 to his account so he could go shopping, said he'd catch a taxi... instead he went to bed at about 5pm. God it shit me! He talked like he'd do it, but he wanted me to say "oh I'll drive"... but I was feeling shithouse, the weather was completely crappy, I didn't want to go out... so he went to bed when DD 16 started cooking tea. We ended up going grocery shopping Saturday morning, DD 5 had a birthday party that afternoon so we had to be quick. He sat on the computer until 10am so we didn't get out until after midday!

Besides that, he seems to still be doing his meal replacement shakes though I commented that if he was having 2 a day he'd have gone through them faster... he hasn't run out yet and we've been buying 8 a week. Hmm, we've bought 30 in total and he's been doing it for... 17 days. And he's got 10 left, so that's 20 over 17 days... Plus he's been drinking a lot of Coke, and still has his 2-3 coffees in the morning. And tonight he bought pizza for tea, not sure how much he ate. I'm really concerned that he's not really sticking to the diet very well. Yes, I want him to lose weight. The scales weren't working when we were out yesterday, he wanted to stand on them and see how he's going. Oh well... plenty of time for that I suppose.

Tomorrow is another day, there's a huge pile of dishes but at least they're only today's. DS 13 helped me today, we did many of them. Mum had done some too. DP had DD 16 do some too I think. She was in a foul mood today, had a go at DP for no reason so I yelled at her. Said I'm short tempered thanks to feeling like crap for so long and I'm not putting up with people talking like that. Now I'd better go to bed and hopefully this damn flu will bugger off and I can start feeling normal and functioning like a normal person.

One step forward, two steps back :(

After feeling so positive Tuesday night everything has fallen in a heap and I'm fucking depressed again! Grrrr. As predicted DD 2 was awake at 9pm, she was sooky and had a temperature. I sat up with her for an hour or so then went to bed with her. She was hot and restless all night! We gave her panadol. I started feeling horrible around 4am, headachy, hot... sure enough Wednesday morning saw me not wanting to get out of bed. DD 2 was the same, hot, huggy, DP took her out so I could sleep. He ended up putting on DVD's and fell asleep with DD 2 lying on him on his chair. I heard him snoring. I got up around 2.30pm and sat up for a while. When DD 2 woke up I took her and cuddled her for a bit. At about 4pm I was feeling far too weak to sit up any more and took DD 2 back to bed. We both slept. At 9pm she decided it was time to get up so we came out. The other kids had gone to bed, DP had cooked sausages for them apparently. We didn't sit up long, DD 2 had a bottle of milk and we went back to bed.

I thought DD 2's temp broke early Thursday morning, but she ended up still being unwell. So was I. The older kids were told to come straight home from school, I heard DD 16 yelling at DP so got up in time to see DS going out the door. DD 16 had a meeting after school she wanted to go to, DP thought it was an evening one. Apparently DD 16 hadn't told him she would be home by 5pm at the latest. So she got permission to go and was home by 4.30pm. I sat up for a while cuddling DD 2 and at around 9.30am got a text from DS 13 saying he had a headache and wanted to come home. The teacher allowed him to go when he showed them my text saying it was ok. He had a panadol and spent most of the day in bed. I took my laptop to bed with me and DD 2 fell asleep watching me play games, then I decided I should sleep more too. It was about 2.30pm when I got up again. DD 2 had more milk but all I've had is water. I thought I'd try a cold coffee but only drank half of it, better than nothing though.

I'd been listening to DP cough for 2 days and told him he should see a dr, he said the priority was for me and the kids to get better. Thing is, we're not asthmatic! He is. I guess if he has to go to hospital it will be his own damn fault. Anyway, he put constant DVD's on for DD 5, including the entire first series of Avatar: the last airbender. He sat on the damn computer all fucking day! The most he did was put on a load of about 5 towels which he didn't even get out of the fucking machine - I listened to the damn thing beeping all day! Argh!!!! Ok, so he's not well either, but well enough to play fucking WoW all fucking day... I had no fucking energy to sit up at all! Early this morning I said "you know you've been sick when you think - wow, this is normal"... I knew he was gearing up to playing the sick card himself, hoping I was going to be well. I still feel weak and that "normal" feeling isn't really there any more... but I got up this morning and told him off for putting Avatar on again! Bloody hell. He says "DD 5 loves Avatar"... but I put the tv on instead, her favourite show was 20 minutes away. I'm not having the kids watch fucking DVD's all day again... only DS is sick and watching Avatar now LOL But I put out some play stuff for the little girls and they've been having a great time. So much better than sitting watching tv all day.

Anyway... the kitchen is fucked up again, a total mess. All my work gone... Fuck fuck fuck! And all the shopping we bought Monday - sitting on the fucking floor. At least we put the cold stuff away... mind you I'd bought heaps of vegies for DP and this fucking diet he's doing, I bet they're all still in the bags on the floor. There are about 7 I can see from here. ARGH!!!! And my tidy fucking bench - looks like shit AGAIN! I'm so fucking pissed off. DP has done next to fucking nothing! But as I said - he'll play the sick fucking card. Too fucking hard for him to do anything! He's gone to bed now too... about an hour ago. This morning his breathing sounded terrible, he says "I'm fine"... IDIOT! God he shits me. Then when I say he should see a dr he says "I just need sleep"... hint hint right.

So that's been my 2 shit days, this is number 3. I feel crap, I'm sick of being sick, I just want to get back to normal! I was feeling so accomplished, I was doing so fucking well... even my living room looks like shit again. Toys, mess, it needs cleaning and vacuuming. The clothes on the airer have been there since Tuesday so are dry, but I'm the only one that can fold and put them away apparently. Not to mention all the washing waiting to be done. Oh, yesterday I wanted to bath the little ones. DD 2 was getting quite stinky, probably from being unwell as well as going 2 days without a bath. DP said he'd run one, finally did it in the afternoon. And the other thing... he said that he'd has his "main meal" for lunch so would have a shake for tea so if I wanted to I could order pizza. I said that was a silly idea as most of us wouldn't be eating, it seemed a waste. Then when DD 16 came home he asked if we had gravy, suggesting DD 16 could go and buy chips. Again, stupid idea. I certainly wasnt' going to eat, DD 2 wasn't well, DS wasn't well, he wasn't eating, what a waste of money. So DD 16 asked if there were leftovers from last night, no DP ate them for lunch (I wonder how many there were?) There were only 5 uncooked sausages left so DD 16 said she'd make a casserole with them. What a good girl :) She even cooked some potatoes and steamed some vegies, which apparently DD 2 got stuck in to! Fantastic!

So now I've spent ages updating this, I hope it makes sense. I've got dishes and laundry and tidying to do... without overdoing it so I end up feeling worse. I want to be better tomorrow!

A shiny sink?

Well, I did end up going for coffee last Wednesday, and I've no idea where the rest of the day, or the week, went after that! On Thursday I was out and got a text message from DP saying he wanted me to pick up meal replacement stuff. I went to a pharmacy and spent $65 on 14 shakes, tablets to help sugar cravings, a shaker cup and a book explaining the diet. I figured that was a good thing to have, it has a "how to" type bit and explanations about what foods are ok. One of the reasons he's never stuck to one of these is the protein content, he ends up feeling hungry. So this book says that if you have a BMI over 40 to have 2 protein serves instead of one a day. He stood on the scales yesterday after doing the diet since Friday (day 4) and had lost about 10kg. Using that weight his BMI is currently 59.

Last night he was talking about how funny he will look if he loses weight and his head and shoulders remain the same. I said his shoulders will get smaller, he thinks that his bones are "right there" so he won't LOL He said if I'm right he'll get a tattoo "with needles" (he has a severe fear of needles, still waiting for him to have a blood test he was referred months ago) I asked how sure he is that he's right, and he's sure enough to make a bet. If I lose I have to wear an outfit of his choosing... I'm happy with that LOL So I've measured across his back and it's 79cms. We will measure again when he's lost 60kgs (at 130kgs)

On Saturday morning I was in a foul mood, I got up and started doing dishes. I had a go at DP about it and told him I wasn't going anywhere until they were done. DD 16 had a friend coming over so they could go out shopping. DS 13 rang a mate and ended up heading over there for the day. DP said he would take the little girls out shopping. It took him a couple of hours to actually get ready, most of that was spent in the bathroom! But around 1pm he headed out with them, took the stroller for DD 2 and caught a bus!!! I was very surprised, but grateful for the time at home ALONE!!! It ended up only being 2 hours before DD 16 and her friend returned and made jelly slice... but I'd accomplished a lot by then anyway. Not the whole messy corner, but I did most of the dishes, mostly cleared the bench and wiped the top cupboards and rangehood. DP and the girls got home at about 4.30pm, I just hope they'd been warm enough! DS got home about an hour later. I cooked mince for tea which everyone loved... except DD 16 as I took her and her friend to a party and they ate there LOL

Sunday morning DS 13 and I finished the dishes and I was able to tidy most of the messy corner... I know, it sounds like I only "mostly" do things... but there are things I just have trouble putting away and the bench is the best place for them at the moment. Sunday afternoon I took the kids to visit my mum so didn't get to do my room, which has been on the list for ages!!! Sunday night I actually got a chance to do the dishes before I went to bed, though I did leave a bowl to soak... then found some more things when I cleared the little ones table - d'oh. Should have done that first! Anyway, it was because DD 2 went to sleep before 8.30pm, last night, Monday, she fought it until nearly 10.30pm so I didn't get to do the dishes at all :( She was restless and I woke up late this morning so didn't get to do them first thing. And then I was out all day (not normal for a Tuesday, I'm usually home around lunch time for a bit before picking DD 5 up from kinder) I didn't hold out much hope that DP would do the very few dishes, and was right. He'd put tea on, sausage rolls, but it would have been nice if he'd done the dishes. I guess it really is going to be my responsibility, leaving him free to sit on the computer. He'll probably argue that he's having a really hard time at the moment, what with dieting and sugar cravings... but what's new - he's never done the kitchen. Even when I've made it so damn easy!!! Grrr!!!

So I did them tonight after DD 2 fell asleep. I'm thinking that because she only had an hour nap today (1-2pm approx.) that she may end up awake soon. I put her in her cot at about 6.30pm, it's almost 8pm now. I say she'll wake before 10pm LOL Now I think I've updated this I can go and do something in the living room - there are clothes to fold up and I got DS 13 to bring in the washing that's been out for 2-3 days and is wet because it started raining last night! Then perhaps I can put the toys away... how cool would it be to have 2 'tidy' rooms to wake up to!

A tidy living room before bed - what an accomplishment!

Yes, it's true. DD 2 went to sleep before 8pm so I decided vacuuming the living room before I went to bed would be a great habit to get in to. So it looks nice enough, not perfect, but better than usual. Since Tuesday is usually a busy day for me I'm pretty proud of myself. I may or may not be home all day tomorrow, might have a chance to catch up with friend/s for coffee... can't pass it up if it goes ahead. I want to tidy my room tomorrow if I'm home.

DP ended up being sick Friday as well last week, went for a nap at 1.30pm and got up at 7pm. I was going to put tea in the fridge when I heard him get up, he ended up being in the bathroom for 30 minutes though so I should have. Oh well.

Then Saturday he wanted to go shopping but we were busy that afternoon and had to get ready to go out, so shopping had to wait until Sunday. Sunday was a busy day too, but at least we got some groceries, even if it was rushed to get everything sorted out and done. We had a slow start Sunday, I think it's a day most of us sleep in LOL Almost no housework was done.

So Monday we went out to get some stuff for fixing around the house. The washing machine has been leaking, we needed a new shower head, and DP somehow broke the towel rail so we needed to replace it. That was the easiest thing, we were able to find the exact towel rail so installing it was pretty simple. Today DP has fixed the shower and washing machine, so I should forgive him for not doing the kitchen LOL

So there are heaps of dishes... still. It's so depressing. This morning I heard him running water into the sink, but he has this habit of doing that and leaving stuff "to soak". He must've washed a bottle for DD 2 (should get her off that LOL) and perhaps some cups for this morning. Wish there was clean cutlery. Perhaps if I'm home tomorrow I should do the kitchen. But I really want to sort out the bedroom :( Oh well. See what tomorrow brings... at least I will get up to a tidy living room LOL