Raising Teenagers

This morning we had an arguement. DD 4 got a cough last night, and spent much of the night breathing shallowly, almost panting. DD 1 was just restless, at one point I sat up and rocked her. DP got up with DD 4 at 6.30am when it was obvious she wasn't going to sleep again. We're going to book her in to the dr today, hopefully get an appointment for today too (just rang and have an 11.45am app). So I told DD 16 that we wouldn't be taking DD 4 to sport tonight, so she could catch a bus. She was quite upset and throwing dirty looks at DP. He was putting his comments in and even to me it sounded mean. I was saying "Look, it's just for today, it's not like you get paid to help with the younger ones, you'll just be a little late". DP told her she could take her equipment to school with her. She had to catch a bus to school, then bus it from there to sport. I thought that was a bit mean, but DP was being insistent. DD 16 was quite upset by this too. I ended up telling DP that since I would normally make the drive anyway that I would take her equipment out in time for her class. He was saying it wouldn't hurt DD 16 to do it once, that he thought it would be less inconvenient for me to not have to do it etc. We've discussed recently that her school books are very heavy, so I said it was hardly fair to expect her to take another bag as well. So I got it my way and will take DD 16 her equipment, she will let me know what time she'll get out there.

After she left I discussed it all with DP again. I said I don't like the way they fight. He says I don't hear how both DD 16 and DS 13 talk to him and that he's polite "for weeks" before he snaps. I said it's not like that at all, I know they all talk that way to each other. I said someone has to be polite, and he's the adult so he should do it first. I think that's when he said he does that already. I hear him talk to the kids and it sounds mean to me too. He says he uses his "deadpan voice" and they still react that way. I said that's because using no emotion is the same as hate, if there is no emotion then there is nothing. He didn't get it. I said that people use emoticons when they type because no emotion is a bad thing. I said he'd done psychology for a bit, how did that not make sense to him. I said he needs to try using compassion.

When we were discussing things with DD 16 there I commented that just because DP's parents would have expected him to get around by himself that was no excuse to treat DD 16 the same way, he said not to bring up his parents. So without DD there I said that because his parents had no compassion he has no idea how to parent because he had no role model. I suggested we get counselling as a family because I am so sick of how he and DD 16 fight. He says it's "normal", that it's just the way they are, that it's fine. It's not fine, I hate it. He treats my older 2 differently to the younger ones, I said that fine; I prefer to think that it's because the little ones are younger, not that they are his. He needs help parenting teenagers because he has no idea. Not to say that I am an expert. DP often says "how would you react if they talked to you that way". He knows how I react, the difference is he feels they think it's "ok" to treat him that way, they wouldn't do it to me. I've told him in the past that it's because of the way he tries to parent them. Sitting on the computer and telling them to clean the house is not fair. I don't do that. I ask for help but I am busy doing other housework. The closest he gets is when he washes some dishes then says to DD 16 "do some drying", then he sits on the computer. He doesn't even get up straight away when she's done most of the time. Plus the way he asks is often that blunt, sometimes he'll be more polite and even use a "please".

Besides all that the weekend went as usual. DP on the computer for most of it, he slept in yesterday. I think he was up and went back to bed about 7am because I got up with DD 4 at 7.30am. He ended up getting up around 11am. He at least did some work last Thursday! And he went and picked up payment Friday - with his brother! So I didn't have to go LOL It was Friday afternoon, I'd had the girls at playgroup in the morning and was home ALONE! Alone meaning without DP of course, it was SO NICE! I got heaps of dishes done - not that you can tell this morning. I did heaps yesterday too... they don't take long to multiply :(