DD 16 has been having trouble with one of her classes. She feels like the teacher ignores her when she asks for help and picks on her - as in points out what she hasn't done in front of the whole class. The last straw was when she failed her exam, along with about half the others that did it, and then her teacher told her she shouldn't come to resit it on Tuesday. She'd done a practice exam and not got a pass (70% I think). Trouble is that she can't do any more work until she resits it and passes, so he hassles her in class because she doesn't do work for that subject. She feels she's done as much as she can and wants to sit the exam, he won't let her. So I said that we'll make a time to see that teacher when we get a chance next term. I also asked her if there was someone else we could see over that teacher's head. Her co-ordinator. Ok, does she want us to ring and talk to him, no, she feels she can see him herself. We discussed options - we being myself and DD 16. I then got her to tell DP about it that afternoon - Tuesday. She was reluctant to do that but did, and DP started saying we should call the teacher and talk to him, he got to sort of raving, he was pretty upset. DD 16 almost yelled at him that she wanted to deal with it herself so DP yelled back "Well do it yourself then". Argh! I was so annoyed. He was annoyed that DD 16 didn't want to talk to him about it I think. I suggested to DP later that DD 16 was worried that he would yell at the teacher or something like that. "Have I done that before?" he said. No, he hasn't been in that position before. I told him he was sort of raving and maybe that worried DD 16, maybe she thought he'd embarrass her. We got nowhere with that conversation. I was happy to see if DD 16 could sort it out, and I told her if she needed us to back her up or if either of her teachers wanted to talk to us that we were fine with that and we were there for her. DD 16 didn't get to talk to her co-ordinator because he was busy. I said she needs to tell him she wants to talk to him before next term, basically that's today. She said she told him that. So it started again this morning.
DP was saying to DD 16 about talking to her teacher and she obviously doesn't want that. He said he's not told off her teachers before so she has no reason to think he will do that now, and why doesn't she want him to see her teacher? She had no reason, the discussion went for ages - "Why don't you want me to talk to your teacher?" "Because I said I don't want you to" "That's not a real reason" "Yes it is". Finally she said she will think of one by the end of the day. That's where I hoped DP would stop (and I told him that later after DD 16 left for school) But no, he kept it up. I was in the room when she said "If you go to see my teacher then I won't be there" and waved her hands up in a "so there" sort of pose. I copied her and said "there's no call for that". DP said "give me your ipod and your phone". She looked like she was going to throw them at him. She ended up leaving in tears, which is when I told DP he took it too far. He doesn't get it, he said she'll be fine by the time she gets to the bus. He also couldn't see that leaving it and bringing it up later would have a different result - my point was that it would be better if she was upset and home than upset and having to go to school. Nope, didn't sink in. I was so angry with him. I said it upsets the whole house. He just pursed his lips and said he'll stay out of it. ARGH! I can't take it any more.
On a brighter note I was out all day yesterday and came home and DP had actually done all of the dishes and tidied the bench a bit. OMG! And this morning while we were at playgroup he's done most of the few dishes that were there too. Maybe he understands finally, will see if we can keep on top of it for the next few days.
He's at a counsellor appointment right now. I had to load the little ones in to the car and take him, and I expect a message or a call to go and pick him up around 2pm. I just got a message from DD 16 wanting to go with her boyfriend to see his mum's boyfriend (does that make sense) to get help with this subject. I want her to come home, we will talk about it then... and I want to know if she's talked to her co-ordinator.
DD 1 has spread tissues all over the living room floor... Better go and clean it up.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Another week
We went shopping on Monday and bought frozen chips for lunch, only because we were visiting mum the kids had noodles instead. So when I got home DP asked about tea and asked if there'd be enough chips for tea. I said I'd bought them for lunch, there were 2 packets, one of wedges that I bought salsa and sour cream for. I suggested I could make tuna mornay and DP said "do that". So I did, only when I couldn't find a can opener he said "are you making it for tonight, I put the chips in". I said I thought that was the plan, he thought I was talking about tomorrow night. So I finished cooking it anyway and put it in the fridge for the following night.
Tuesday morning I got up and skipped breakfast so I could get the little ones ready to go. DP sat on WoW until I guess it became obvious that I was stressing over all the little things I was trying to do - get the girls dressed, hair done, DD 4's kinder bag packed, find shoes. DP actually got up and asked what to get DD 4 for lunch but I'd packed it already. So he ended up finding DD 1's shoes and brushed her hair. I went into the laundry to look for something and realised that the floor was wet - fantastic. I walked out again and told DP who said he would empty the room... I hoped but didn't fully believe. We got out the door in time, DS 13 came with us as he usually does on a Tuesday. It was my craft day but mum wasn't home so I came home for lunch and of course nothing had been done in the laundry. We didn't visit my grandmother either, so I picked DD 4 up at 2.30pm and DS caught the bus home giving me the afternoon to empty the laundry - it was very full from when we last had company and I "stored" a lot of stuff in there. We already had tea, just needed to put on some pasta to go with it. DP didn't move the whole afternoon, I was fuming! I cleared the laundry floor and mopped it. Even using a towel didn't make the floor feel dry so I put the heater in there for a while. I put a few things in the bath tub rather than the bathroom floor, but it took me a while to get around to sorting them out.
Wednesday was a day at home, and another day where DP didn't get the dishes done. I'm sure he got up and did some, just not many. I continued in the laundry, I wanted to find something I had to return to a friend. It wasn't in there. I moved things around and sorted out several boxes that were stored in the cupboard. That gave me room to put other stuff in there LOL It was another of those days where I feel I'm running around and DP is sitting on the computer all day. Since I didn't find what I was after it must be in my room, that was my next project.
Thursday was a day out after I took DD 4 to kinder. We got home at about 1pm and I can't remember what I spent the afternoon doing.
Friday the older 2 caught the bus but I went for coffee at a friend's at 9am then playgroup at 10am. I had lunch with mum and got home about 1pm. DD 1 was asleep, but woke up when I tried to put her in her bed.
Saturday we spent at home. I'd gone to bed at 1am then DD 1 was ready to get up at 6am. I got up with her but DP also got up and told me I could go back to bed after he got out of the bathroom, so I did. I got up again at about 8.30am. DD 16 helped me try to sort out my room, it was my main priority to find this thing for a friend. I managed to do that, it was in the bottom of my wardrobe under some bags of gifts I'm storing. I've moved them now, they are in the top of the wardrobe instead. I've used the space to put a hanging set of shelves that are labelled with the days of the week - Monday to Friday - and one that says 'Weekend'. My plan is to use them to put the little girls clothes in so I don't spend the mornings looking for outfits. I think if I put clothes in there on the weekend, or even as they are washed I could put them away in there. I thought I can put pj's in the bottom weekend shelf so I can ask anyone to grab stuff and they will find it LOL I've had these hanging shelves kicking around for years, the last few months I meant to take it to the op shop, but we'll see if this idea works now. DP asked if the bed was clear so he could have a nap, but it was covered with stuff I was trying to sort out. Not that I was very successful, there is still stuff all over the floor again because I didn't get it finished. I'd also put the cot on the bed so I could get to my wardrobe and put away some of my clothes.
DP finally listed a couple of T's on ebay while I was busy. At least he accomplished something... It was only last August he said he'd do it. I need to put some stuff up too, but I have trouble finding time to take photos and list it. DP isn't as descriptive as I am on ebay. Plus he's listing plain black t-shirts, I usually list more varied items.
I took DD 16 out to meet a friend for an hour and a half last night, we came home at 8.45pm and DP told DD off for waking DD 1. He was cuddling her and said she'd just gone to sleep when DD 16 opened the door too loudly - DP's "office" is behind the back door and that's where he sits with DD 1. I was so annoyed, I told him off. What a stupid thing to say. Apparently we should have known that at that time he'd have DD 1 trying to go to sleep, it could just of easily been me first through the door, would he have told me off too? I wouldn't have thought "ooh, better be really quiet walking in the door". Of course DP put DD 1 down and she came to me so I got her to sleep and put her in to bed.
We went to bed at about 11pm last night, DP was up this morning when I woke up - on the computer of course. It was still pretty dark outside, I think I fell asleep again despite having about 30cms of bed thanks to DD 1 and DD 4. I got up at 8am with them. I had my shower, cleaned out the bath tub. Told DP that it had been a week since the girls had a bath. He looked disgusted - well the bath was full of stuff since Tuesday. I also needed to put conditioner through their hair... I think I'll try to do that weekly, especially with DD 4 at kinder. At about 9.45am DP went back to bed after spending the morning online. I did most of the dishes with DS 13's help. DD 16 got the little ones some food then tidied the bench and she and DS have made lunch to take to mum's. DP is still in bed, I'll have to leave him a note. I have to change DD 1's nappy.
Tuesday morning I got up and skipped breakfast so I could get the little ones ready to go. DP sat on WoW until I guess it became obvious that I was stressing over all the little things I was trying to do - get the girls dressed, hair done, DD 4's kinder bag packed, find shoes. DP actually got up and asked what to get DD 4 for lunch but I'd packed it already. So he ended up finding DD 1's shoes and brushed her hair. I went into the laundry to look for something and realised that the floor was wet - fantastic. I walked out again and told DP who said he would empty the room... I hoped but didn't fully believe. We got out the door in time, DS 13 came with us as he usually does on a Tuesday. It was my craft day but mum wasn't home so I came home for lunch and of course nothing had been done in the laundry. We didn't visit my grandmother either, so I picked DD 4 up at 2.30pm and DS caught the bus home giving me the afternoon to empty the laundry - it was very full from when we last had company and I "stored" a lot of stuff in there. We already had tea, just needed to put on some pasta to go with it. DP didn't move the whole afternoon, I was fuming! I cleared the laundry floor and mopped it. Even using a towel didn't make the floor feel dry so I put the heater in there for a while. I put a few things in the bath tub rather than the bathroom floor, but it took me a while to get around to sorting them out.
Wednesday was a day at home, and another day where DP didn't get the dishes done. I'm sure he got up and did some, just not many. I continued in the laundry, I wanted to find something I had to return to a friend. It wasn't in there. I moved things around and sorted out several boxes that were stored in the cupboard. That gave me room to put other stuff in there LOL It was another of those days where I feel I'm running around and DP is sitting on the computer all day. Since I didn't find what I was after it must be in my room, that was my next project.
Thursday was a day out after I took DD 4 to kinder. We got home at about 1pm and I can't remember what I spent the afternoon doing.
Friday the older 2 caught the bus but I went for coffee at a friend's at 9am then playgroup at 10am. I had lunch with mum and got home about 1pm. DD 1 was asleep, but woke up when I tried to put her in her bed.
Saturday we spent at home. I'd gone to bed at 1am then DD 1 was ready to get up at 6am. I got up with her but DP also got up and told me I could go back to bed after he got out of the bathroom, so I did. I got up again at about 8.30am. DD 16 helped me try to sort out my room, it was my main priority to find this thing for a friend. I managed to do that, it was in the bottom of my wardrobe under some bags of gifts I'm storing. I've moved them now, they are in the top of the wardrobe instead. I've used the space to put a hanging set of shelves that are labelled with the days of the week - Monday to Friday - and one that says 'Weekend'. My plan is to use them to put the little girls clothes in so I don't spend the mornings looking for outfits. I think if I put clothes in there on the weekend, or even as they are washed I could put them away in there. I thought I can put pj's in the bottom weekend shelf so I can ask anyone to grab stuff and they will find it LOL I've had these hanging shelves kicking around for years, the last few months I meant to take it to the op shop, but we'll see if this idea works now. DP asked if the bed was clear so he could have a nap, but it was covered with stuff I was trying to sort out. Not that I was very successful, there is still stuff all over the floor again because I didn't get it finished. I'd also put the cot on the bed so I could get to my wardrobe and put away some of my clothes.
DP finally listed a couple of T's on ebay while I was busy. At least he accomplished something... It was only last August he said he'd do it. I need to put some stuff up too, but I have trouble finding time to take photos and list it. DP isn't as descriptive as I am on ebay. Plus he's listing plain black t-shirts, I usually list more varied items.
I took DD 16 out to meet a friend for an hour and a half last night, we came home at 8.45pm and DP told DD off for waking DD 1. He was cuddling her and said she'd just gone to sleep when DD 16 opened the door too loudly - DP's "office" is behind the back door and that's where he sits with DD 1. I was so annoyed, I told him off. What a stupid thing to say. Apparently we should have known that at that time he'd have DD 1 trying to go to sleep, it could just of easily been me first through the door, would he have told me off too? I wouldn't have thought "ooh, better be really quiet walking in the door". Of course DP put DD 1 down and she came to me so I got her to sleep and put her in to bed.
We went to bed at about 11pm last night, DP was up this morning when I woke up - on the computer of course. It was still pretty dark outside, I think I fell asleep again despite having about 30cms of bed thanks to DD 1 and DD 4. I got up at 8am with them. I had my shower, cleaned out the bath tub. Told DP that it had been a week since the girls had a bath. He looked disgusted - well the bath was full of stuff since Tuesday. I also needed to put conditioner through their hair... I think I'll try to do that weekly, especially with DD 4 at kinder. At about 9.45am DP went back to bed after spending the morning online. I did most of the dishes with DS 13's help. DD 16 got the little ones some food then tidied the bench and she and DS have made lunch to take to mum's. DP is still in bed, I'll have to leave him a note. I have to change DD 1's nappy.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Raising teens
I ended up doing the dishes last night and DD 16 and DS 13 dried them for me. Unfortunately DD 1 was so full up with a cold/sleepy/grumpy that I couldn't finish them before she wanted cuddles. Then it was time for DS and I to make tea. DP slept until around 6.30pm. We'd all eaten by then and his was in the oven. Of course he didn't eat any vegetables... grrr.
Anyway he was up when I got up with DD 1 this morning. No idea what time he went to bed, I went at 10.30pm but he'd napped for 3.5 hours. Of course he was on WoW, I put the kettle on and he ended up getting me a milo and DD 1 a bottle before heading to the bathroom. DD 4 got up so I got her breakfast, DS and DD 16 both got up before DP got out as well. DD 16 needed to use the toilet and DD 4 needed to use the toilet but we only have one, which is why DP tends to use it later after everyone else has been. The rest of us are so much quicker. I was doing dishes when DP got out, he'd filled the sink to wash a bottle for DD 1 but that was all he did. He'd put some towels in the washing machine and started it, I added more because there it looked like there was room. I asked if there were many in and he said no but he'd changed the water level... at least that was something he remembered LOL Anyway there were tea towels and face washers to go in as well, so I did that. Then I had my shower and cleaned the bath to run for the little girls. Bathed them, dried them, dressed them. Then DP headed to the bathroom again at about 9.30am. I thought he was going for shower but he's just having that now.
About 20 mins ago DS 13 was playing a game with DD 1 - he had a bunch of near flat balloons and was bopping her on the head, so she grabbed another toy and was going to hit him so I stopped that game. I told DS that was a silly game and to not play it. Then I started to brush DD 1's hair and got hit in the eye with something. I said "ouch" and was hit again so I grabbed it. DD 4 was using a tape measure to hit DS who had started the balloon hitting game with her. I completely lost it and yelled at both of them. I said it was a silly game and that I was hit in the eye twice. I took the tape measure and popped the balloons and put them in the bin, pointing out I'd just told DS not to play with them. I sent DS to his room and told DD 4 to sit on her couch and not move. Then I finished brushing DD 1's hair. DP came out a few minutes later and asked what it was all about so I told him. He yelled up to DS to bring out his phone and his ipod and he took them off him. Sitting here thinking I think he's done the wrong thing and now I have to talk to DP about that. He had no right to come in to the situation and take away DS's things when I had already dealt with it. He gets annoyed when I step in, and that's exactly what he's done. It's all about appropriateness of the punishment, I think taking DS's things is going too far. Damn DP. He's going to get shitty with me when I point this out. He's about to get out of the bathroom, it's almost 10.30am and we have shopping to do today.
Anyway he was up when I got up with DD 1 this morning. No idea what time he went to bed, I went at 10.30pm but he'd napped for 3.5 hours. Of course he was on WoW, I put the kettle on and he ended up getting me a milo and DD 1 a bottle before heading to the bathroom. DD 4 got up so I got her breakfast, DS and DD 16 both got up before DP got out as well. DD 16 needed to use the toilet and DD 4 needed to use the toilet but we only have one, which is why DP tends to use it later after everyone else has been. The rest of us are so much quicker. I was doing dishes when DP got out, he'd filled the sink to wash a bottle for DD 1 but that was all he did. He'd put some towels in the washing machine and started it, I added more because there it looked like there was room. I asked if there were many in and he said no but he'd changed the water level... at least that was something he remembered LOL Anyway there were tea towels and face washers to go in as well, so I did that. Then I had my shower and cleaned the bath to run for the little girls. Bathed them, dried them, dressed them. Then DP headed to the bathroom again at about 9.30am. I thought he was going for shower but he's just having that now.
About 20 mins ago DS 13 was playing a game with DD 1 - he had a bunch of near flat balloons and was bopping her on the head, so she grabbed another toy and was going to hit him so I stopped that game. I told DS that was a silly game and to not play it. Then I started to brush DD 1's hair and got hit in the eye with something. I said "ouch" and was hit again so I grabbed it. DD 4 was using a tape measure to hit DS who had started the balloon hitting game with her. I completely lost it and yelled at both of them. I said it was a silly game and that I was hit in the eye twice. I took the tape measure and popped the balloons and put them in the bin, pointing out I'd just told DS not to play with them. I sent DS to his room and told DD 4 to sit on her couch and not move. Then I finished brushing DD 1's hair. DP came out a few minutes later and asked what it was all about so I told him. He yelled up to DS to bring out his phone and his ipod and he took them off him. Sitting here thinking I think he's done the wrong thing and now I have to talk to DP about that. He had no right to come in to the situation and take away DS's things when I had already dealt with it. He gets annoyed when I step in, and that's exactly what he's done. It's all about appropriateness of the punishment, I think taking DS's things is going too far. Damn DP. He's going to get shitty with me when I point this out. He's about to get out of the bathroom, it's almost 10.30am and we have shopping to do today.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
My not so secret blog
I told DP I have a blog... but I said it's about having a house that I can't have people over to (CHAOS) Basically we were "discussing" how I'm acting like he does very little around the house and he feels he's making an honest to God effort. He said he's doing the kitchen every day... well that's not entirely true. He may do "some" dishes every day, but that's not enough. There is a constant pile sitting there, I don't want that there. Take today as a prime example... he did one lot of dishes, but there is no space on the bench beside the sink because of dirty dishes. Yesterday was the same... he did some, nowhere near enough to keep up though. So I told him I have this because I'd written when he last did the dishes... I said he's doing them every other day at most, not every day. We had that "discussion" Thursday. After he'd done very little since coming back from his LAN weekend.
Then he had a counsellor appointment on Friday, which he said he would get himself to but instead he went for a nap! So when I got home at 1pm, thinking he had an appointment at 2pm, I woke him up. He didn't get up until 1.50pm and then told me his appointment was 3pm. Of course he did his toilet routine and I had to take him. I suggested he get himself home, and while he said he could walk the weather wasn't great and I knew he didn't really want to walk - it's quite far. He actually left his wallet and phone in the car so used their phone to call me when he was finished! If he was serious about walking he could have just walked, right. When I picked him up he said "I hate her" and before I could ask why he said "I hate that she's right". So I didn't ask any more, I didn't see the point. I'm not going to talk to him about his sessions this time, it didn't do anything last time except piss me off because I knew he was lying about stuff. Like when the last person said he's a perfectionist and that's why he never got his business out there, because it was never "good enough". I disagree. I think he's afraid of the responsibilities associated with having a life, he prefers to stay where he is. The excuses for not getting his business out there were more to allow him to continue working on it. The same goes for him finding a hobby. None of my ideas are valid because they're not things he's interested in, while his ideas all cost far too much money to start up. I'm talking $200-$1000! I bought him a $20-30 wooden model to work on... no idea what happened to it, he took it out of the box, pieces probably went missing, but it didn't get put together. He doesn't want to do woodwork because he used to work in his father's furniture factory. He's not interested in gardening. Who am I to judge, I'm not a garden person... but our back yard looks disgusting! It hasn't had the lawn/grass trimmed for months. And now the weather is bad so it's all long and far to wet to do anything anyway...
So he had a cd and I asked what it was for... apparently it's to help him get his routine in order. He's supposed to go to bed at 10.30pm and listen to this cd so he can get up in the morning. He says he has trouble going to sleep. Bah. He's not done it. Friday night he went to bed around 11pm and last night I went to bed at 11pm and he was still on the computer. Which is why he is having a nap now... he headed there at 3pm, I knew he would. He got up this morning with me and the little girls who were awake at 7am. Yesterday DD 16 was picked up for a trip at 5.30am so I got up at 5am to see her off. I tried to go back to bed after she left but DP was snoring his head off so I stayed up. Then I tried to go to bed again around 11am but DP went to the bathroom at the same time and DD 1 cried and called for me so I got up and started tidying the living room. By the time DP got out I was over trying to sleep... and stayed up until 11pm, that's 18 hours, eek LOL Anyway I think he can't sleep because he spends so much time on the computer. I've suggested exercise during the day and relaxation time at night - that isn't being on the computer... but what do I know.
We had yesterday at home too. I mentioned DP did some dishes.t I put on a ciouple of loads of washing, hung it out, bought some in when the weather looked too grey. I admit I didn't do much myself. DD 16 wasn't here and DS 13 had a friend over. DP made us lunch. I cooked tea. Right now I should be tidying the living room again, it needs vacuuming... again. DD 1 has a nasty cough, I've got her sitting on me now. Won't be able to do anything until she calms down a bit :( I've hung washing inside today. DP said he was going to get DD 16 to help do the kitchen today, that was before he went to bed. I think I will just do them. Damn him. This is not helpful!!! And he will think that because he spent 10 minutes doing some earlier that's his quota. I mentioned when we were talking about it that he does that... he said "it's more than 10 minutes thanks." Ok, maybe he's done more one day this week... but it's certainly not regular and that's what I'm waiting for. Ok I'm not all "omg you did so much today, fantastic" but that's because after 5 years of this I AM OVER IT!!! Fuck him. He needs to make more of an effort as far as I'm concerned. I can see we're going to need more relationship counselling if we are going to actually HAVE a relationship. We are 2 people living in the same house, that's it at the moment. We are not a couple.
I might go back to Wednesday now. He was supposed to go for a walk at 11am with our friend, only she messaged him and said she was sick so couldn't go. He said he would go in the afternoon. I think he'd got up late anyway. I was out for the afternoon, until after 3, but I don't think he went. In fact I'm pretty sure I asked him at some point and he said no. So his being in pain when he exercises is in fact because he's not going every day. He's acting like he is, so he walks as if he's used to it, but the truth is he's not gone since Monday. That's a week. Going for another 40 minute walk now will leave him in the same condition last weeks walk did! God he frustrates me! Anyway I did come home Wednesday and he'd done some dishes, but I know the kitchen wasn't finished. And Thursday while I was out he'd said he'd do the kitchen then instead he got in to his office. I mean, at least it was a little tidier and there wasn't the rubbish under his desk... but when will the kitchen actually be done? Even since we had our "discussion" he's not put much effort in. And he will say "I have, I've done heaps"... he still doesn't get that I'm annoyed at the time he spends on the computer instead of helping around the house. I even mentioned that Thursday night! He spends 10 minutes in the kitchen, 8 hours or more on the computer... an hour in the bathroom... that's more time than he spends doing dishes... that's what annoys me!!! Also that I can do more while he's in the bathroom than he does in an entire day! It's not even like I'm asking that much... am I??? Just that he do a few dishes every day and keep up with them... it doesn't take long - if you do it every day! Sigh... on that note I should clean the bathroom, that's my "Sunday job". Might leave it and do it tomorrow morning though, it's a public holiday. I usually do it after my shower anyway. At least it will get done.
Then he had a counsellor appointment on Friday, which he said he would get himself to but instead he went for a nap! So when I got home at 1pm, thinking he had an appointment at 2pm, I woke him up. He didn't get up until 1.50pm and then told me his appointment was 3pm. Of course he did his toilet routine and I had to take him. I suggested he get himself home, and while he said he could walk the weather wasn't great and I knew he didn't really want to walk - it's quite far. He actually left his wallet and phone in the car so used their phone to call me when he was finished! If he was serious about walking he could have just walked, right. When I picked him up he said "I hate her" and before I could ask why he said "I hate that she's right". So I didn't ask any more, I didn't see the point. I'm not going to talk to him about his sessions this time, it didn't do anything last time except piss me off because I knew he was lying about stuff. Like when the last person said he's a perfectionist and that's why he never got his business out there, because it was never "good enough". I disagree. I think he's afraid of the responsibilities associated with having a life, he prefers to stay where he is. The excuses for not getting his business out there were more to allow him to continue working on it. The same goes for him finding a hobby. None of my ideas are valid because they're not things he's interested in, while his ideas all cost far too much money to start up. I'm talking $200-$1000! I bought him a $20-30 wooden model to work on... no idea what happened to it, he took it out of the box, pieces probably went missing, but it didn't get put together. He doesn't want to do woodwork because he used to work in his father's furniture factory. He's not interested in gardening. Who am I to judge, I'm not a garden person... but our back yard looks disgusting! It hasn't had the lawn/grass trimmed for months. And now the weather is bad so it's all long and far to wet to do anything anyway...
So he had a cd and I asked what it was for... apparently it's to help him get his routine in order. He's supposed to go to bed at 10.30pm and listen to this cd so he can get up in the morning. He says he has trouble going to sleep. Bah. He's not done it. Friday night he went to bed around 11pm and last night I went to bed at 11pm and he was still on the computer. Which is why he is having a nap now... he headed there at 3pm, I knew he would. He got up this morning with me and the little girls who were awake at 7am. Yesterday DD 16 was picked up for a trip at 5.30am so I got up at 5am to see her off. I tried to go back to bed after she left but DP was snoring his head off so I stayed up. Then I tried to go to bed again around 11am but DP went to the bathroom at the same time and DD 1 cried and called for me so I got up and started tidying the living room. By the time DP got out I was over trying to sleep... and stayed up until 11pm, that's 18 hours, eek LOL Anyway I think he can't sleep because he spends so much time on the computer. I've suggested exercise during the day and relaxation time at night - that isn't being on the computer... but what do I know.
We had yesterday at home too. I mentioned DP did some dishes.t I put on a ciouple of loads of washing, hung it out, bought some in when the weather looked too grey. I admit I didn't do much myself. DD 16 wasn't here and DS 13 had a friend over. DP made us lunch. I cooked tea. Right now I should be tidying the living room again, it needs vacuuming... again. DD 1 has a nasty cough, I've got her sitting on me now. Won't be able to do anything until she calms down a bit :( I've hung washing inside today. DP said he was going to get DD 16 to help do the kitchen today, that was before he went to bed. I think I will just do them. Damn him. This is not helpful!!! And he will think that because he spent 10 minutes doing some earlier that's his quota. I mentioned when we were talking about it that he does that... he said "it's more than 10 minutes thanks." Ok, maybe he's done more one day this week... but it's certainly not regular and that's what I'm waiting for. Ok I'm not all "omg you did so much today, fantastic" but that's because after 5 years of this I AM OVER IT!!! Fuck him. He needs to make more of an effort as far as I'm concerned. I can see we're going to need more relationship counselling if we are going to actually HAVE a relationship. We are 2 people living in the same house, that's it at the moment. We are not a couple.
I might go back to Wednesday now. He was supposed to go for a walk at 11am with our friend, only she messaged him and said she was sick so couldn't go. He said he would go in the afternoon. I think he'd got up late anyway. I was out for the afternoon, until after 3, but I don't think he went. In fact I'm pretty sure I asked him at some point and he said no. So his being in pain when he exercises is in fact because he's not going every day. He's acting like he is, so he walks as if he's used to it, but the truth is he's not gone since Monday. That's a week. Going for another 40 minute walk now will leave him in the same condition last weeks walk did! God he frustrates me! Anyway I did come home Wednesday and he'd done some dishes, but I know the kitchen wasn't finished. And Thursday while I was out he'd said he'd do the kitchen then instead he got in to his office. I mean, at least it was a little tidier and there wasn't the rubbish under his desk... but when will the kitchen actually be done? Even since we had our "discussion" he's not put much effort in. And he will say "I have, I've done heaps"... he still doesn't get that I'm annoyed at the time he spends on the computer instead of helping around the house. I even mentioned that Thursday night! He spends 10 minutes in the kitchen, 8 hours or more on the computer... an hour in the bathroom... that's more time than he spends doing dishes... that's what annoys me!!! Also that I can do more while he's in the bathroom than he does in an entire day! It's not even like I'm asking that much... am I??? Just that he do a few dishes every day and keep up with them... it doesn't take long - if you do it every day! Sigh... on that note I should clean the bathroom, that's my "Sunday job". Might leave it and do it tomorrow morning though, it's a public holiday. I usually do it after my shower anyway. At least it will get done.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Same old same old...
So DP came home with Maccas on Sunday night. I'd put tea in but we put it in the fridge for Monday night. He bought 4 Big Mac meals and 2 Happy Meals plus a cheese burger. Mind you he'd text messaged me about what to get and when I messaged back he said "too late". All the times we've had Maccas and he still doesn't know that DD 16 doesn't like Big Macs. He'd bought himself the second burger so she had the cheese burger and he had 2 Big Macs. Then DD 16 and DS went halves in one of the chicken schnitzels we were going to have for tea.
DP arranged to meet at 7am instead of 6.30am for a walk. He didn't set up his computer straight away either! But he did end up staying up. DD 4 had a nasty cough, I think he said that's why he stayed up, and DD 1 was restless too. I think we all have colds at the moment. Anyway I was awake and thought it would be close to 7am so I tried to wake DP. He stirred and I told him he should get up... he started snoring again. I got up and checked his phone, sure enough there was a message saying our friend was on their way - it was 7am. I woke DP and told him so he got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. I messaged our friend then went out to chat to them until DP got out - not long - 5 minutes or so, quickest bathroom time ever LOL
The 2 older kids caught their buses before DP got back from his walk and our friend headed home. The younger 2 were up and I'd given them breakfast. I went to have my shower before DP took over the bathroom. He was in a lot of pain! It looked hard for him to sit down, and he came out of the bathroom smelling of Deep Heat. He spent the rest of the day sitting on the computer. Sure, he made a couple of phone calls but really didn't do much else. DD 16 got home early and did some cooking before I took her to sport. DD 4 fell asleep on the floor so I didn't take her. Poor little thing ended up quite hot and had that cough. I gave her some medicine before bed but only bought panadol today... haven't needed it yet (touch wood neither of the little ones wake up tonight needing it) I put tea in to reheat and DP put on microwaved steamed vegies then served tea. That was his chore for the day... he was going to make pancakes but DD 16 and DD 4 had made jelly earlier. I ended up with a headache, sinusy mostly, so went to bed at 9.30pm with DD 1 who was also full up with a cold. DP said he was up until 2am because DD 4 was coughing and getting up. He gave her a cough lolly at some point, she spat it out but slept well after that apparently.
This morning I was up by 7am with DD 1. I got her a bottle... I'm sure I put some dishes through. DD 4 got up and I got her breakfast and DD 1 wanted a milo when she saw DD 4 had one LOL DP got up about an hour after I did. I had a shower then ran a bath for the little ones. I put some essential oils in to help with their colds. We thought about giving DD 4 the day off kinder but she got a bit upset as she really wanted to go. I got the little ones ready with some help from DD 16 who had the day off because of exams, made DD 4 lunch and we were ready to go in time. DP had to pay his car rego, one of those "if he had his licence" moments. After craft I headed home and DD 1 fell asleep so we left her with DD 16 to pay the rego. At 2.15pm we went and picked up DD 4 and DS 13 and visited Nanna. DP sent a message at 3.15pm saying he was going for a nap. We got home at 5pm but didn't wake him until 5.30pm. I cooked tea and served it up. DP ate in the living room - first time for a long time!!! Then he made pancakes for dessert and made milo for DD 4 and got a bottle for DD 1. I took them to brush their teeth and read a book. DD 4 fell asleep by 8pm. DP wanted to cuddle DD 1 and she fell asleep so I was going to put her in to bed but DP said I had to give him a kiss to get the baby so I said he could do it. She woke up and cried, I think he moved... I asked if he wanted me to put her in to bed and he said no, he ended up going to bed with her at 9.30pm and now he's snoring away. He needs so much sleep... he wasn't playing WoW this evening though. He was reading comics on his computer. He doesn't understand that it's just the same. Same with reading the news... he needs to get off the computer more... and preferably do something active. I've been wanting him to help with the housework or get outside. The backyard looks terrible. It's in desperate need of mowing. Last week he asked the landlord to pick up his mower as it's in no condition to use. We have a whipper snipper but it's been months since DP used it! He always finds an excuse... mostly the grass is too wet. Of course it is... it's so long it takes forever to dry out even on the sunniest days - especially as it's winter so even sunny days can be chilly. ARGH! Oh well... tomorrow is another day. Hopefully DP remembers he's got another early morning walk - maybe that's why he went to bed so early. I'm up late because of Farmville... my own addiction I suppose LOL
DP arranged to meet at 7am instead of 6.30am for a walk. He didn't set up his computer straight away either! But he did end up staying up. DD 4 had a nasty cough, I think he said that's why he stayed up, and DD 1 was restless too. I think we all have colds at the moment. Anyway I was awake and thought it would be close to 7am so I tried to wake DP. He stirred and I told him he should get up... he started snoring again. I got up and checked his phone, sure enough there was a message saying our friend was on their way - it was 7am. I woke DP and told him so he got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. I messaged our friend then went out to chat to them until DP got out - not long - 5 minutes or so, quickest bathroom time ever LOL
The 2 older kids caught their buses before DP got back from his walk and our friend headed home. The younger 2 were up and I'd given them breakfast. I went to have my shower before DP took over the bathroom. He was in a lot of pain! It looked hard for him to sit down, and he came out of the bathroom smelling of Deep Heat. He spent the rest of the day sitting on the computer. Sure, he made a couple of phone calls but really didn't do much else. DD 16 got home early and did some cooking before I took her to sport. DD 4 fell asleep on the floor so I didn't take her. Poor little thing ended up quite hot and had that cough. I gave her some medicine before bed but only bought panadol today... haven't needed it yet (touch wood neither of the little ones wake up tonight needing it) I put tea in to reheat and DP put on microwaved steamed vegies then served tea. That was his chore for the day... he was going to make pancakes but DD 16 and DD 4 had made jelly earlier. I ended up with a headache, sinusy mostly, so went to bed at 9.30pm with DD 1 who was also full up with a cold. DP said he was up until 2am because DD 4 was coughing and getting up. He gave her a cough lolly at some point, she spat it out but slept well after that apparently.
This morning I was up by 7am with DD 1. I got her a bottle... I'm sure I put some dishes through. DD 4 got up and I got her breakfast and DD 1 wanted a milo when she saw DD 4 had one LOL DP got up about an hour after I did. I had a shower then ran a bath for the little ones. I put some essential oils in to help with their colds. We thought about giving DD 4 the day off kinder but she got a bit upset as she really wanted to go. I got the little ones ready with some help from DD 16 who had the day off because of exams, made DD 4 lunch and we were ready to go in time. DP had to pay his car rego, one of those "if he had his licence" moments. After craft I headed home and DD 1 fell asleep so we left her with DD 16 to pay the rego. At 2.15pm we went and picked up DD 4 and DS 13 and visited Nanna. DP sent a message at 3.15pm saying he was going for a nap. We got home at 5pm but didn't wake him until 5.30pm. I cooked tea and served it up. DP ate in the living room - first time for a long time!!! Then he made pancakes for dessert and made milo for DD 4 and got a bottle for DD 1. I took them to brush their teeth and read a book. DD 4 fell asleep by 8pm. DP wanted to cuddle DD 1 and she fell asleep so I was going to put her in to bed but DP said I had to give him a kiss to get the baby so I said he could do it. She woke up and cried, I think he moved... I asked if he wanted me to put her in to bed and he said no, he ended up going to bed with her at 9.30pm and now he's snoring away. He needs so much sleep... he wasn't playing WoW this evening though. He was reading comics on his computer. He doesn't understand that it's just the same. Same with reading the news... he needs to get off the computer more... and preferably do something active. I've been wanting him to help with the housework or get outside. The backyard looks terrible. It's in desperate need of mowing. Last week he asked the landlord to pick up his mower as it's in no condition to use. We have a whipper snipper but it's been months since DP used it! He always finds an excuse... mostly the grass is too wet. Of course it is... it's so long it takes forever to dry out even on the sunniest days - especially as it's winter so even sunny days can be chilly. ARGH! Oh well... tomorrow is another day. Hopefully DP remembers he's got another early morning walk - maybe that's why he went to bed so early. I'm up late because of Farmville... my own addiction I suppose LOL
Sunday, June 6, 2010
WoW free weekend
Not DP unfortunately, but me. DP headed off to a mate's to LAN for the weekend. He was picked up Friday night and will be home tonight sometime. He doesn't bother contacting me most of the time when he does this, I'm not sure how I should feel about that. Especially since yesterday I messaged him saying good morning and asking if he had anything to add to the shopping list as I took the kids out. Nothing back. At all. No contact.
I love that he's getting out of the house, it's great, right. The days are great... the nights... I don't sleep well. I stay up later than I normally would and when I do go to bed I lay awake for ages fighting off the anxiety. Last night was extra bad - DD 1 was really restless. I'd drift off to sleep and wake up to her crying and wriggling. Then DD 4 got up and needed to go to the toilet. I ended up staying in bed until 8am this morning. I have so much I want to get done, I just don't know where to start. DD 16 planned to go to church today, then youth group. DS 13 wanted to go to youth group but not church, but I said I wouldn't take him or let him ride his bike later so his choice was go with DD 16 and go to church as well or not go at all. I suggested he would want to go as I have lots and lots of housework and would have him helping if he stayed home... he went. So instead of working right now I am wasting time here updating this blog. It's just that I'm so frustrated. DP finally fixed a friend's computer on Friday. Didn't take him long and he did it while playing WoW. Maybe a couple of hours. Then he's made plans to go walking on Monday morning at 6.30am. Not sure that he'll make that despite planning it with a friend, usually he comes home from LAN'ing and sleeps for 2 days. Anyway, one thing he did do was the dishes before he left. His ride had arrived and they packed up the computer and he said goodbye to me and I looked at the kitchen. Finally, after 5 years, it's set in that I want a tidy kitchen before he goes. Ok, I want it every day but I used to complain a lot about him leaving me with a messy house and 4 kids while he gets a weekend off. I still want time to myself... I wonder how long it will take him to get out of the house with all the kids and leave me in peace for 8 hours one day? He gets that most Tuesdays and Thursdays! And how does he spend his time? The same way he spends every day - online.
I wanted to stay home yesterday but DD 16 said she would cook for youth group and needed some stuff, so I took them all shopping. Left about 10.30am and got home at 1pm. I did spend some time in the afternoon trying to sort out my craft cupboard. We re-arranged the living room last week. I had to get DP to help with the larger furniture but he WoWed while I vacuumed and picked things up. The problem with re-arranging is that I am still trying to clean things up. The couch is piled up with clothes, that's pretty normal though. All the toys that were out here are still messy and need to be sorted out. And my craft cupboard had to be emptied and now I am trying to sort it out too. I'm finding things I forgot I had! I have papers everywhere, scrapbooking stickers and embellishments all over the place - I want to have them all together so I'm working on that too. Now DD 1 has come to sit with me - this is what slows me down. Why I need DP to take the kids out one day.
Last week he was annoyed because he had a phone call from his counsellor. He said she had a go at him because he didn't call last time he missed an appointment. He's asked his doctor for another referral to that counsellor, because he thought she was good. I'm not sure when his last appointment was, he said the one he missed was February. She said something about him purposely disassociating, I think that was the word. This is why I need to do this more regularly. I commented on how he's done the counselling and seeing a dietician before and how that didn't go anywhere. That annoyed him, but it's the truth. I told him it's up to him to follow through with these things, I've seen him start so much and never finish, never really accomplish much. He thinks he's come a long way... maybe he has - to him. To me the "baby steps" are a mere crawl and I can't take it much longer. I keep thinking that - I keep thinking "if we are still here in 12 months I have to leave"... but I haven't. It's been 2 years... more even. He does this little tiny bit and I think maybe there is hope, but it's taking soooo damn long! I keep thinking I am at the end of my rope but it seems there is a little bit more. Argh! I just took DD 4 to the toilet. My day gets so broken into tiny little pieces, is it any wonder I sometimes feel I accomplish so little. What a post after the one before where I did get a lot done. But that is so unusual for me. Right now I could cry. I don't know what to do, where to start. Probably the kitchen and the dishes. That's where I often start, then I run out of time to do anything else. Yesterday I did manage to tidy DP's desk. It was disgusting. I don't know how he allows it to get like that... I say and the desk I am on right now is piled high with "stuff"... at least I don't collect rubbish though. I asked DP for panadol last week, I'd got some off mum and had it in my bag until DD 1 found it, then I gave it to DP to put with some of the medication he has. It's usually in a little tool box type container. He said he "couldn't find it"... that's because he'd already taken it himself... I found the empty strip yesterday. Grrr. He tried to give me the kids stuff but I said I just wanted a pill. The kid's one you dissolve in water and TBH it tastes terrible! So I had to buy more and since the box isn't on DP's desk I'll assume he's taken it with him, if there are any left. He said his dr isn't worried about his pain killer consumption because it's not really that bad. I just get annoyed because I take it so little but whenever I want one there are none at all. That is actually why I bought the kids one too... DP won't take it. I think I need to put some in my bag though, or hide them, just for those times I'd like one. Rather like coffee, but I drink coffee more often than I take pain killers. I used to buy instant because DP was using the plunger. Then he gets lazy and doesn't wash the plunger and he's gone back to instant. He puts vanilla essence in it too, too much if you ask me. He just pours it in, so I have to hide that too. I wouldn't mind if it was the imitation stuff, but he's decided the real stuff tastes better - which is why I cook with it - but it costs $5 a bottle and he'll go through that in a week. It doesn't sound like much I suppose, but all his costs add up. He uses more toilet paper, he drinks lots of soft drink and coffee, pain killers, nose spray ($8 almost every week) and they are things the rest of us don't use. The kids sometimes get soft drink, but once a day at most, not his 4/5/6 a day. We'd save money on electricity without DP using the fan every day too.
DD 1 came over again... it's 10am and I should get something done. I've got to get the kids at 2pm and I'm waiting to see if mum will be home after that. DD 1 is looking for food or drink now too... in 2 years she will go to 3 year old kinder I think. Only a couple of hours a week but maybe I'll be able to get things done.
I love that he's getting out of the house, it's great, right. The days are great... the nights... I don't sleep well. I stay up later than I normally would and when I do go to bed I lay awake for ages fighting off the anxiety. Last night was extra bad - DD 1 was really restless. I'd drift off to sleep and wake up to her crying and wriggling. Then DD 4 got up and needed to go to the toilet. I ended up staying in bed until 8am this morning. I have so much I want to get done, I just don't know where to start. DD 16 planned to go to church today, then youth group. DS 13 wanted to go to youth group but not church, but I said I wouldn't take him or let him ride his bike later so his choice was go with DD 16 and go to church as well or not go at all. I suggested he would want to go as I have lots and lots of housework and would have him helping if he stayed home... he went. So instead of working right now I am wasting time here updating this blog. It's just that I'm so frustrated. DP finally fixed a friend's computer on Friday. Didn't take him long and he did it while playing WoW. Maybe a couple of hours. Then he's made plans to go walking on Monday morning at 6.30am. Not sure that he'll make that despite planning it with a friend, usually he comes home from LAN'ing and sleeps for 2 days. Anyway, one thing he did do was the dishes before he left. His ride had arrived and they packed up the computer and he said goodbye to me and I looked at the kitchen. Finally, after 5 years, it's set in that I want a tidy kitchen before he goes. Ok, I want it every day but I used to complain a lot about him leaving me with a messy house and 4 kids while he gets a weekend off. I still want time to myself... I wonder how long it will take him to get out of the house with all the kids and leave me in peace for 8 hours one day? He gets that most Tuesdays and Thursdays! And how does he spend his time? The same way he spends every day - online.
I wanted to stay home yesterday but DD 16 said she would cook for youth group and needed some stuff, so I took them all shopping. Left about 10.30am and got home at 1pm. I did spend some time in the afternoon trying to sort out my craft cupboard. We re-arranged the living room last week. I had to get DP to help with the larger furniture but he WoWed while I vacuumed and picked things up. The problem with re-arranging is that I am still trying to clean things up. The couch is piled up with clothes, that's pretty normal though. All the toys that were out here are still messy and need to be sorted out. And my craft cupboard had to be emptied and now I am trying to sort it out too. I'm finding things I forgot I had! I have papers everywhere, scrapbooking stickers and embellishments all over the place - I want to have them all together so I'm working on that too. Now DD 1 has come to sit with me - this is what slows me down. Why I need DP to take the kids out one day.
Last week he was annoyed because he had a phone call from his counsellor. He said she had a go at him because he didn't call last time he missed an appointment. He's asked his doctor for another referral to that counsellor, because he thought she was good. I'm not sure when his last appointment was, he said the one he missed was February. She said something about him purposely disassociating, I think that was the word. This is why I need to do this more regularly. I commented on how he's done the counselling and seeing a dietician before and how that didn't go anywhere. That annoyed him, but it's the truth. I told him it's up to him to follow through with these things, I've seen him start so much and never finish, never really accomplish much. He thinks he's come a long way... maybe he has - to him. To me the "baby steps" are a mere crawl and I can't take it much longer. I keep thinking that - I keep thinking "if we are still here in 12 months I have to leave"... but I haven't. It's been 2 years... more even. He does this little tiny bit and I think maybe there is hope, but it's taking soooo damn long! I keep thinking I am at the end of my rope but it seems there is a little bit more. Argh! I just took DD 4 to the toilet. My day gets so broken into tiny little pieces, is it any wonder I sometimes feel I accomplish so little. What a post after the one before where I did get a lot done. But that is so unusual for me. Right now I could cry. I don't know what to do, where to start. Probably the kitchen and the dishes. That's where I often start, then I run out of time to do anything else. Yesterday I did manage to tidy DP's desk. It was disgusting. I don't know how he allows it to get like that... I say and the desk I am on right now is piled high with "stuff"... at least I don't collect rubbish though. I asked DP for panadol last week, I'd got some off mum and had it in my bag until DD 1 found it, then I gave it to DP to put with some of the medication he has. It's usually in a little tool box type container. He said he "couldn't find it"... that's because he'd already taken it himself... I found the empty strip yesterday. Grrr. He tried to give me the kids stuff but I said I just wanted a pill. The kid's one you dissolve in water and TBH it tastes terrible! So I had to buy more and since the box isn't on DP's desk I'll assume he's taken it with him, if there are any left. He said his dr isn't worried about his pain killer consumption because it's not really that bad. I just get annoyed because I take it so little but whenever I want one there are none at all. That is actually why I bought the kids one too... DP won't take it. I think I need to put some in my bag though, or hide them, just for those times I'd like one. Rather like coffee, but I drink coffee more often than I take pain killers. I used to buy instant because DP was using the plunger. Then he gets lazy and doesn't wash the plunger and he's gone back to instant. He puts vanilla essence in it too, too much if you ask me. He just pours it in, so I have to hide that too. I wouldn't mind if it was the imitation stuff, but he's decided the real stuff tastes better - which is why I cook with it - but it costs $5 a bottle and he'll go through that in a week. It doesn't sound like much I suppose, but all his costs add up. He uses more toilet paper, he drinks lots of soft drink and coffee, pain killers, nose spray ($8 almost every week) and they are things the rest of us don't use. The kids sometimes get soft drink, but once a day at most, not his 4/5/6 a day. We'd save money on electricity without DP using the fan every day too.
DD 1 came over again... it's 10am and I should get something done. I've got to get the kids at 2pm and I'm waiting to see if mum will be home after that. DD 1 is looking for food or drink now too... in 2 years she will go to 3 year old kinder I think. Only a couple of hours a week but maybe I'll be able to get things done.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)