My not so secret blog

I told DP I have a blog... but I said it's about having a house that I can't have people over to (CHAOS) Basically we were "discussing" how I'm acting like he does very little around the house and he feels he's making an honest to God effort. He said he's doing the kitchen every day... well that's not entirely true. He may do "some" dishes every day, but that's not enough. There is a constant pile sitting there, I don't want that there. Take today as a prime example... he did one lot of dishes, but there is no space on the bench beside the sink because of dirty dishes. Yesterday was the same... he did some, nowhere near enough to keep up though. So I told him I have this because I'd written when he last did the dishes... I said he's doing them every other day at most, not every day. We had that "discussion" Thursday. After he'd done very little since coming back from his LAN weekend.

Then he had a counsellor appointment on Friday, which he said he would get himself to but instead he went for a nap! So when I got home at 1pm, thinking he had an appointment at 2pm, I woke him up. He didn't get up until 1.50pm and then told me his appointment was 3pm. Of course he did his toilet routine and I had to take him. I suggested he get himself home, and while he said he could walk the weather wasn't great and I knew he didn't really want to walk - it's quite far. He actually left his wallet and phone in the car so used their phone to call me when he was finished! If he was serious about walking he could have just walked, right. When I picked him up he said "I hate her" and before I could ask why he said "I hate that she's right". So I didn't ask any more, I didn't see the point. I'm not going to talk to him about his sessions this time, it didn't do anything last time except piss me off because I knew he was lying about stuff. Like when the last person said he's a perfectionist and that's why he never got his business out there, because it was never "good enough". I disagree. I think he's afraid of the responsibilities associated with having a life, he prefers to stay where he is. The excuses for not getting his business out there were more to allow him to continue working on it. The same goes for him finding a hobby. None of my ideas are valid because they're not things he's interested in, while his ideas all cost far too much money to start up. I'm talking $200-$1000! I bought him a $20-30 wooden model to work on... no idea what happened to it, he took it out of the box, pieces probably went missing, but it didn't get put together. He doesn't want to do woodwork because he used to work in his father's furniture factory. He's not interested in gardening. Who am I to judge, I'm not a garden person... but our back yard looks disgusting! It hasn't had the lawn/grass trimmed for months. And now the weather is bad so it's all long and far to wet to do anything anyway...

So he had a cd and I asked what it was for... apparently it's to help him get his routine in order. He's supposed to go to bed at 10.30pm and listen to this cd so he can get up in the morning. He says he has trouble going to sleep. Bah. He's not done it. Friday night he went to bed around 11pm and last night I went to bed at 11pm and he was still on the computer. Which is why he is having a nap now... he headed there at 3pm, I knew he would. He got up this morning with me and the little girls who were awake at 7am. Yesterday DD 16 was picked up for a trip at 5.30am so I got up at 5am to see her off. I tried to go back to bed after she left but DP was snoring his head off so I stayed up. Then I tried to go to bed again around 11am but DP went to the bathroom at the same time and DD 1 cried and called for me so I got up and started tidying the living room. By the time DP got out I was over trying to sleep... and stayed up until 11pm, that's 18 hours, eek LOL Anyway I think he can't sleep because he spends so much time on the computer. I've suggested exercise during the day and relaxation time at night - that isn't being on the computer... but what do I know.

We had yesterday at home too. I mentioned DP did some dishes.t I put on a ciouple of loads of washing, hung it out, bought some in when the weather looked too grey. I admit I didn't do much myself. DD 16 wasn't here and DS 13 had a friend over. DP made us lunch. I cooked tea. Right now I should be tidying the living room again, it needs vacuuming... again. DD 1 has a nasty cough, I've got her sitting on me now. Won't be able to do anything until she calms down a bit :( I've hung washing inside today. DP said he was going to get DD 16 to help do the kitchen today, that was before he went to bed. I think I will just do them. Damn him. This is not helpful!!! And he will think that because he spent 10 minutes doing some earlier that's his quota. I mentioned when we were talking about it that he does that... he said "it's more than 10 minutes thanks." Ok, maybe he's done more one day this week... but it's certainly not regular and that's what I'm waiting for. Ok I'm not all "omg you did so much today, fantastic" but that's because after 5 years of this I AM OVER IT!!! Fuck him. He needs to make more of an effort as far as I'm concerned. I can see we're going to need more relationship counselling if we are going to actually HAVE a relationship. We are 2 people living in the same house, that's it at the moment. We are not a couple.

I might go back to Wednesday now. He was supposed to go for a walk at 11am with our friend, only she messaged him and said she was sick so couldn't go. He said he would go in the afternoon. I think he'd got up late anyway. I was out for the afternoon, until after 3, but I don't think he went. In fact I'm pretty sure I asked him at some point and he said no. So his being in pain when he exercises is in fact because he's not going every day. He's acting like he is, so he walks as if he's used to it, but the truth is he's not gone since Monday. That's a week. Going for another 40 minute walk now will leave him in the same condition last weeks walk did! God he frustrates me! Anyway I did come home Wednesday and he'd done some dishes, but I know the kitchen wasn't finished. And Thursday while I was out he'd said he'd do the kitchen then instead he got in to his office. I mean, at least it was a little tidier and there wasn't the rubbish under his desk... but when will the kitchen actually be done? Even since we had our "discussion" he's not put much effort in. And he will say "I have, I've done heaps"... he still doesn't get that I'm annoyed at the time he spends on the computer instead of helping around the house. I even mentioned that Thursday night! He spends 10 minutes in the kitchen, 8 hours or more on the computer... an hour in the bathroom... that's more time than he spends doing dishes... that's what annoys me!!! Also that I can do more while he's in the bathroom than he does in an entire day! It's not even like I'm asking that much... am I??? Just that he do a few dishes every day and keep up with them... it doesn't take long - if you do it every day! Sigh... on that note I should clean the bathroom, that's my "Sunday job". Might leave it and do it tomorrow morning though, it's a public holiday. I usually do it after my shower anyway. At least it will get done.